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Sunday, January 11, 2015

The System Error & Aaron Swartz' Depression

"...My ways are higher than your ways..." - Is. 55:9

Some weeks ago I've cruised on ways unfathomed and learned of things foreign to me. Somehow I ended up at the MakerSpace in Dallas at a meetup on Ventrifuge. I've been thrown into a pool of brilliant, creative techies and my mind feasted on all the curious inventions and ideas people work on. People where talking about hackaton, natural voice recognition, growth hacking, mc10, bionic skin, muse app, founder2be, founder dating, cofounderslab, kickstarter, indiegogo and on.

Back at home, drifting from one concept to another on the wiki pages, one incident caught my attention and has been on my mind for a couple of days (and now weeks). I've learned about the death of Aaron Swartz. 

It was only mentioned briefly in relation to an event or a product he helped develop. So, I was curious to learn about what I imagined would be an older guy from the tech world. I never heard of one. We usually get stories on entertainment industry celebrities who are old and pass away. Never an IT celebrity.

Sadly, Aaron was only 26 and he died by taking away his life. Two years from today. This is something that grabbed my heart. Something is utterly wrong here. I ask Why?

I immersed my self in learning about his life, the story around his death, public's reaction to it, and the depression Aaron Shwartz was undergoing. 

His action described by Boston Globe underline his genius. He downloaded millions of articles, engaging in "a cat-and-mouse game that would extend over three months. JSTOR would cut off the Internet protocol address Swartz was using; he would switch to another. MIT detected and shut down the registration for his computer; he altered his computer’s identifying information. Officials would conclude the ghost downloader had moved on, then he’d reappear weeks later".

He was relentlessly pursued by the federal prosecution, actions some described as prosecutorial overreach. Sadly, his case was later described as "hardly a clear-cut case" and there seems to have been "a potentially serious flaw in the case against Swartz". After two year of fighting the legal system, charging him with 13 felonies, and threatening him to 35 years in prison, he gave up. Perhaps, too early.

Aaron seemed to have been a wonder of a kid, too smart to just accept thing as they are. Thinking outside the box was part of his DNA. He challenged the system, educational or political, and perhaps was an inconvenience to some.

Thinking outside the box was also the nurturing environment at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), where Aaron spent his time. MIT is described as standing for values such as: "compassion and creativity, challenging authority, and pure scientific inquiry". And MIT began to embrace, and celebrate, its hacker ethos, which extrapolates to “resenting any person, physical barrier, or law that tries to keep them from doing this”.

Sadly, MIT did not come forth to speak up for Aaron, when its support was most needed. Nor after his attorneys and his father pleaded with them. Now his father "can’t walk through campus without feeling that MIT betrayed his son".

Furthermore, it seems that MIT, although claiming to take a neutral position, has supported the prosecution by handing over many records and helping the secret service hack into Aaron's computer. This action become more severe in the light of the fact that "MIT has consistently sold itself as a leader on open access to scholarship". As a result, fear swept over the students and faculty. Students were afraid to post on official MIT forums openly. Willow Brugh, a Media Lab research affiliate said, “Why would anyone possibly speak up against an issue like this?... In order to have academic integrity, you need to have to a safe space for people to dissent”.

Aaron's father says:
"Aaron had all these resources. He was bright, he had a very competent legal counsel, he had money, he had a family that supported him, and he was destroyed by the legal system. I was better connected to people at MIT than almost anyone else, right? What happens in these instances where people don’t have these connections and this sort of level of determination? They get completely crushed."
The prosecution was as shocked by Aaron's desperate gesture. As an explanation, a representative was quoted as saying that the "rule of law must be applied regardless of someone’s talents, stature, or political beliefs". This is ideal, but is it really applied so? Sadly, it is often overlooked when it comes to money and mutual gain. But not in cases like Aaron's.
 
My intent in starting to write this was to address the depression issue. So, I will make at least some points at the end. I asked myself: where were his friends and support? A reality is that Aaron has lived more "online than he did with his friends". His father was there fighting for him, so I assume his family. I admire this man and the house of ideas, in which he has raised his sons.

Given such pressures and persecution, even a healthy person would develop depression. It would be hard for anyone to withstand such life threat. Aaron already suffered from depression. Did anybody know about it? Is a prosecutor supposed to take it into account?

The prosecution lacked a good psychologist on board. Someone not specialized just in personality disorders or personality pathology, but also in the variety of healthy personalities. Is there actually a Behavioral Analysis Unit (BAU) somewhere? Was there anyone to provide a psychological profile? How about something like this:
Aaron Sw., a creative, brilliant genius. Non-conformist thinker. Free spirited and somewhat rebellious. Such people are passionate about what is right - justice, equality, freedom. They will point out the wrongs and fight only for what they believe in. They want their point to be understood, because usually it is backed up with facts and research. Yet, they are very sensitive and fragile and feel things deeply - prone to depression. They pay attention to detail and seek perfection in everything they do. The kind of people you would want to build the planes you fly. :)

Apparently, calling what he did a "felony" and threatening him to 35 years in prison, was way too disproportionate to what he did. It did not make sense. This was not the right way for the prosecution to proceed. They lacked wisdom and discernment.

Overlooked in the whole process was his sensitivity and fragility. He was pushed and not heard. You can pressure a hardcore criminal this way, but certainly you don't use the same methods with everyone. Or do you? This obviously was not a case, where you have to crack someone up to admit something, because they are hiding it or refusing it, even if they know they did it.

The way he was dealt with was not right, it was not fair. And he understood it this way. He made a statement by his very resistance to being called a felon. Of all places and all things, the law is where fairness and justice must shine. It was not just. And isn't justice what the legal system is to uphold? Since such personalities are sensitive to things being just perfectly right, despair builds in, loneliness builds it, isolation builds in, because nobody hears or understands. What did the legal system prove in the end?

Another thing overlooked was his intelligence and insight. As a thinker, he could see into things and understand an issue further and quicker than an average person. Apparently, he was a great asset to society, who's talent could have been employed. Yet he succumbed to the futility of things, amplified by a cruel & cold system approach and his depressive states.

A person of such creativity and intelligence is also a free spirit. He doesn't act in order to harm, but rather there is a logic for a higher good. And Aaron seems to be such case. Must such personality characteristics be overlooked? In favor of coldly following a law? At one point one should get the point. And at one point, one should acknowledge his merit. At one point, one should back up and try to be reasonable.

I think he gave up to early. I think he should have kept fighting. The truth eventually surfaces. And there is always a way out, other than in death. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT. Yet, this is the thing that depression robs you off: one stops believing that there is any hope for your future.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, know there is a way out and if you suffer from depression:
Sleep well, go for walks and connect with REAL people. Talk to a friend (or someone) about it. Don't be embarrassed. You are not alone.
p.s. This case and others have been wake-up calls for the IT entrepreneurial world, as more have shared their experiences with depression.

p.s. To this day there are attempts made to rectify the system error.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

My Failure at Failing

You’ve heard of Max Lucado? Considered one of the best writers of our times, he's got this amazing writing style where his prose flows like poetry. Beautiful.

Yet here is one striking fact about Max Lucado: as great as he is, nobody wanted to publish his first book. Do you think he gave up? Obviously, no. But he had to send his manuscript to fifteen publishers before one finally said yes.

John Maxwell, the famous leadership expert, asked him if he felt discouraged and ever considered giving up. Here is what Max Lucado replied: "No. Every time I got the manuscript back, I thought: Well, I’ll just try another publisher”.

Good thing somebody said yes before he ran out of publishers. J

Thumbs up for Lucado. This is what Maxwell calls: the ability fail. I wish I could say I’m good at it, but I’m not. Why? Maybe because nobody likes to fail, me including, and even less people want to admit it. We are geared towards success and we want to tell everyone about our successes. We want people to know us for our successes, don’t we?

Look on Facebook, Instagram or other social media venues. Everyone posts exciting vacation trips, happy family pictures, romantic moments, best shots. Nobody knows that on that trip they had the worst fight and most of the time they were bored; that that family is on the brink of divorce; that although smiling that apparently successful man is in deep depression, about to lose his job, or considering suicide. Many cringe inside, comparing their deepest feeling of misery to others’ most exciting moments, while still hitting like. 

Comparison. The biggest enemy of self-image. The birthplace of a failure mentality, for that matter. But is failure such a bad thing after all?

I’m learning that failure is not failure unless you fail to get up and try again. This is how unsuccessful people think. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. After all, if life is a journey it is ok to hit potholes and bumps, to run out of gas, to get lost, but quitting gets one nowhere.

I’m learning that every successful person has failed many times and that there is value in failure. The founder of Honda Motors said: “Many people dream of success. To me success can be achieved only through repeated failure and introspection. In fact, success only represents 1 percent of your work that results from 90 percent of that which is called failure.”

I’m also learning that there is a difference in failing and seeing yourself as a failure. “I have failed” is different than “I’m a failure.” Somebody said that making mistakes is like breathing. But if you regard yourself as a failure you will never be successful, or hope for an improvement, because you’ve made failure your identity.

I’m learning that although many people will measure my success according to how often I have failed, or didn’t succeed, it’s been estimated that most successes failed an average of seven times before they succeed. So, it’s ok. Even if I’m only one step better than last time, I’m making progress.

So, depending on your attitude toward it, failure can make you sink to the bottom or help you along the journey. And a lesson to learn is how to fail forward. 

To do that, I thought to adopt a different attitude when encountering failure, inspired from smarter people, like J. Maxwell:
  1.  Not to take it personally – I've messed up. No doubt. I’ll do better next time.
  2.  Let it be a learning experience & use it to grow – unwillingness to be stopped by failure & willingness to learn from failure.
  3. Not to give up, regardless of what other say – failure comes easily to everyone, but the price of success is perseverance.
  4. Let failure redirect my life – it’s just an adjustment, it’s not that I’m bad or wrong. But if the passion is still burning in my heart, the right thing to do is to keep going.
  5. Keep a sense of humor – it’s easy to laugh when everything is going great, but it’s important to laugh when everything is going wrong. I love this quote.
There are always possibilities out there. If not, we have the capacity to create them. Look around, everything was created by humans, just like us. Surely, there is a door somewhere. Seek and you’ll find. Knock and it will be open onto you. Even, if sometimes we have to take detours. And when you really want it, someone said that the whole universe will join in to help. I call it the hand of God.

p.s. To the point -  watch and be encouraged.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

I Love This Country

That’s right who wouldn’t… Yesterday I went shopping. Initially, I was going to spend 30 min. on it, but what an impractical idea… Why did I think I that I could never spend 4 hours in one store only?  

I used to think the saying “shop till you drop” was made up because it rimes beautifully, but now I know it actually is true. When my friend Ann arrived 5 hours later I was asking her, if she has something to eat. 

After another two hours in the next store I chose two items and was ready to go. Yes, only two. After all that time? Exactly. Whoever thinks shopping is just for fun or a waste of time… not true. I realized this is a way to build up your biceps, gluteus maximus, quadriceps, back, abdominals, cardio, and many more. Not to forget the brain employment that goes into sorting, comparing, analyzing and deciding.

The real fun awaited me in the end. The original total price was $84. But with all the discounts and the coupons the store offered, I ended up paying $1.52. I walked out of that store with the sensation that I got hit with a canister. Really? $1.52? Hah! What a steal!
I love this country. Who wouldn’t?

And listen to this. If for any reason I’m not happy with my purchase I can return it within a couple or three months and get all my money back. This is called the return policy. For that money, why wouldn’t one be happy with any purchase?

Friday, February 28, 2014

Crez (satiră la adresa gândirii moderne)

de Steve Turner
(English version here)

Noi credem Marxfreudșidarwin.
Credem că totul e OK
atâta vreme cât nu rănești pe nimeni -
dar asta depinde, evident, de ce înțelegi tu prin a răni
și de cunoștințele tale în această privință.

Noi credem în sexul înainte, în timpul
și după căsătorie.
Credem în terapia păcatului.
Credem că adulterul e plăcut.
Credem că sodomia e OK
și credem că tabu-urile sunt tabu.

Noi credem că totul merge din ce în ce mai bine
În ciuda dovezilor care mărturisesc contrariul.
Dovezile, desigur, trebuie cercetate
Și cu ajutorul dovezilor poți demonstra orice.

Noi credem că e ceva interesant în horoscoape,
în OZN-uri și în lingurile îndoite;
Isus a fost un om bun, la fel ca Budda,
Mahomed și noi înșine.
A fost un bun învățător moral, deși noi considerăm
Că morala Lui cea bună a fost rea.

Noi credem că toate religiile sunt în esență la fel
– cel puțin religia despre care am citit.
Că toate cred în dragoste și în bunătate.
Ele diferă doar în chestiuni legate de creație,
păcat, rai, iad, Dumnezeu și mântuire.

Noi credem că după moarte urmează Nimicul,
fiindcă atunci când îi întrebăm pe morți ce se întâmplă,
ei nu spun nimic.
Dacă moartea nu e sfârșitul și dacă morții mint,
                atunci raiul e obligatoriu pentru toți,
poate în afara de
Hitler, Stalin și Ginghis Han.

Noi credem în Masters și Johnson.*
Ceea ce este select este mediocru
Ceea ce este mediocru este normal
Ceea ce este normal este bun.

Noi credem în dezarmarea totală.
Credem că există o legătură nemijlocită între război și
vărsarea de sânge.
Americanii ar trebui să-și transforme armele în tractoare
și rușii ar trebuie să le urmeze exemplul.

Noi credem că omul este în esență bun.
Numai comportamentul lui nu corespunde.
Aceasta e din vina societății.
Societatea este așa din vina condițiilor.
Condițiile sunt așa din vina societății.

Noi credem că fiecare om trebuie să găsească adevărul
care i se potrivește cel mai bine.
Atunci realitatea se va conforma numaidecât.
Universul va face modificările de rigoare.
Istoria se va schimba.
Noi credem că nu există adevăr absolut
cu excepția adevărului că nu există adevăr absolut.

Noi credem în respingerea crezurilor
Și în înflorirea gândirii libere.

--------------------------------------------------------
post-scriptum

Dacă întâmplarea este
Părintele oricărei făpturi,
Atunci dezastrul este curcubeul său din nori.
Iar când ai auzi:

”Stare de urgență!”
”Lunetistul a ucis zece oameni!”
”Trupele se dedau la violență!”
”Școală distrusă de bombă!”

Nu ar fi decât glasul omului
care se închină creatorului său.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

~60 kids. ~25 flea bites. Why am I doing this?


I’ve had it on my heart all year long – to conduct a camp for kids in my village. So last week that happened. Why? I’ve been asked that question by folks that come from same places and it took me by surprise. Don't you see what I see? In the villages there is still no running water, kids walk around barefoot, there are no kids activities - not much to do for them, except play in the dirt or around the house. They also take care of the chicks and ducklings, some work in the fields, hoeing.

Many parents are gone abroad, the kids staying with grandmas and aunts. Many families are drinking heavily. There is a breeze of despair in the air. People are harsh, but they accept life as it is. Few try to change things and that mostly includes a new fence or a home repair. Kids just grow along.
Scouting around the village in search for kids
So, we sang, we danced, we screamed, we played, we talked, we created, we laughed and did many other fun things.  We also explored some things. We explored emotions. Only a handful knew what those are. We talked about how the negative ones get in the way of our life, how fear of people poisons us.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Milano - Looking Back

This past May I visited the north part of Italy. Although it rained most of the time - not the usual weather - some days were sunny and favorable for exploring...

You know how sometimes in order to understand something you’ve got to be there and experience it? So is Milano. Why are people, celebrities or Russians so drawn to it? I’m not sure, but this is what I think it is:

It’s the magnificence of creation. It’s art within art.  An electrifying clash of antique and modern. 

It’s spacious, grand, luxurious, beautiful… The exuberant architecture encapsulates the diversity of clothing styles, both a hallmark of God’s gift of creativity and aesthetic to humans. No human could fail to appreciate it, because in every human soul there is a longing for beauty, a longing for greatness and a longing for fascination.

Although just an echo of eternity, it gives a glimpse of the pleasure that awaits each child of God.

Of course, there are those who can care less about this side of things. Those would use a piece of clothing bought in Italy to pump their ego, reassure themselves of their importance and try to impress.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Tell me One Thing...

Wow!!! What a great blogger I am. I'm consistently posting at a frequency of one post per year. So impressive. I'm even considering starting a second blog... Uh!

It seems that life happens at such speed and I don't have the time to sit and record it. I'm afraid to miss smth. So many stories I could have written just as great as the others about how "wonderful" life can be.

Sometimes I wonder if anybody really would like my stories, since they all have this sharp cutting edge. Perhaps you are looking for something more inspiring?.. Well, I guess whatever impresses me, I write. And some things I find shockingly impressive. Like for instance, the public minibus driver who calls a 9 year old a "debil", which really means "idiot", "retarded". Should I tell you why? Or does it really matter? Poor kid was struggling to close the door, so when it finally closed, it slammed. What is even more impressive is that none of the adults said anything to that, nobody raised to defend the child... Funny society.
Hot chocolate in the middle of the night (almost like coffee)

Or a friend tells me her supervisor is "chewing" her out. When she complained to higher authorities the response she got was: try to be manipulative, be "nicer" to her (which really meant: 'kiss her butt'). I don't know why I find this hysterically sad. Perhaps I'm pretty naive. When will I grow up finally?!